JuJuBee

Let's Push This Narcissism Thing Just a Tad Further

Happy Birthday to me! Feels like I have been 25 forever....;)

Here are some photos that I scanned, stolen from my mother. Mostly they are here to prove that the baby might just resemble me ALITTLE bit.

Damnit.

Also, the outfit I am wearing with the dogs? Is soooo in right now.

As you can see by the play pen, safety was the name of the game in 1978.

Cool, confident, easy and breezy. Working those pink overalls.

Awwww.

That chair was awesome. It was the kind that could rip off your skin on a hot summer day.

I'm throwing in this picture of my brother and I, just because, well...

WHAT THE FUCK?

This was taken while I was living in London and serving as a nanny to the Royal Family. I believe they have made a reality show from my experiences called "SuperNanny" or some such bloody nonsense.

I can't speculate as to what look I was going for here. Gay piano player?

I can't imagine why I was referred to as "Britney" during this time in my life.

HAWT.

Month Twelve

My Sweet Girl,

Last night after watching an extremely long and extremely slow movie about gay cowboys, I looked at the clock. 11:02 pm. I turned to your father and asked him what we were doing a year ago at this time. "Well...I'm pretty sure I was making the second round of phone calls to say that we were having a baby." He was indeed correct. The next morning you made the world a better place by being born at 9:39 in the morning. What a beautiful way to start the day. You came into the world with the cord wrapped around your head three times, you were holding it with a death grip. You were three weeks early. You were a drama queen then and you are a drama queen now. I couldn't imagine you any other way.

We planned you. We planned you down to the month, maybe even the week. You see, your Daddy has a certain sort of job that makes it hard for him to be home much during the fall and winter months. We thought that if you arrived sometime in May that he would be able to be home a lot during your first few months of life. I found out that I was pregnant literally immediately after we began trying. It seemed easy and it seemed perfect, and for the most part it was...up until the last trimester when I became a miserable, whiney huge blob of bitchiness. I couldn't sleep, couldn't breathe, couldn't take trips in the car. Even I was ready to divorce me. You father is a saint. I then became dehydrated and had to make a trip to the ER...my second trip to the ER resulted in your birth. You were ready to go and I was ready to have you.

A few days later we ended up back in the hospital. It was Mommy's birthday and I fought back tears as they told me that you would have to spend the night in NICU to have photo therapy. Jaundice. I was not going to leave you there alone. The nurses laughed at me, told me to go home and take advantage of the free babysitting. I recoiled at the thought of getting in the car and sleeping in my comfortable bed while you lay naked in a room filled with tiny sick babies. I sat by your side and while looking at those babies fighting for their lives I vowed never take you for granted. I wanted to gather up each of those tiny little people and take them home to love. Not one of them had a Mama or Daddy sitting next to them and it broke my heart.

Eventually you were cleared for take off and we finally went home to begin our lives as a family of four. Over these past 12 months you have brought joy to each and every person that has met you. You have inherited a temper (from who, I will not say) and it is so funny to watch you throw a toddler sized tantrum when we tell you that "No, you may not eat the kitty food."

You have four beautiful white teeth, almost no gorgeous blonde locks and two amazing big blue eyes. Ten chubby fingers and ten yummy toes. Two parents who would do anything to make you smile and one brother who could not be more proud to have you as his baby sister. The look on his face when he carries you from the kitchen to the livingroom (usually just to keep you away from his crayons) is a look of pure big brother love. Even the cat puts up with you better than we had expected.

We made it through this year. Now you will begin a new journey and you will become a big sister before this time next year. I know that you will teach this next baby all about love and patience and grace. Especially grace...you have a name to live up to you know ;)

Happy Birthday my beautiful daughter. You make me a better person and I love you so much. I'm sorry your head was too big for the sparkly tiara...next year we will look for an adult sized one.

I love you!

Mommy xoxo

The New Big Sister

Click to see more on Flickr

Feeling the Love

Wow you guys. You wouldn't believe the amount of email I received concerning my pregnancy and the dysplasia issue. Well, maybe YOU would, but I'm not as popular as YOU and therefore more than maybe 3 emails and my head goes right ahead and swells right up. Much like my waistline. Anyway, thanks so much for taking the time to share your experiences. It really does help to know that even though I might feel like the only person in the world dealing with life turning upside-down, I'm really not alone.

This week has been a pretty huge week in terms of milestones for my son. He seems to have been shoved aside here lately as his baby sister has taken the spotlight and then again his newest baby whatchamacallit. We shall not forget The Boy. The Boy has been doing major things...such as: (oh bullets, how I have missed you so)

• Losing his FIRST TOOTH EVER today on the bus ride home from school
• Bringing home his SECOND perfect report card
• Having his first official t-ball practice (and consequently giving the ball a few good whacks before even bringing out the T)
• Getting his first GameBoy (which actually doesn't really count yet because the bunny is bringing it for him...and also I am still kinda on the fence about the thing and think he may be a bit young but he is awesome at computer games and this snowboarding PlayStation2 game of his fathers and we think he could use it on the plane to Disney and also in the hotel during boring bedtime and maybe on a fishing trip with his dad and grandpa....so can you tell that I am totally justifying the purchase? Ok then)
• He ate ALL of the school lunch that I packed for him one day this week (which is huge news if you knew my son and his aversion to this evil thing we call "food")
• He became a big brother again.

There might be more, but I'm tired. Ever since I found out about the baby I have been exhausted and typing this far has made my fingers lazy and want to go sleepy on the couch. Who am I to upset the fingers? Tomorrow...maybe more pictures of BabyJuJu! Cause that's what we need more of around here!

Three's A Charm

So...ah...right! I kinda left you all hanging there with my last (adorable) video post where I mentioned that I'd be giving you some crazy news the next day. Oops. Honestly? No one even mentioned anything about it, so you must not really give a hoot. That's ok.

No...really. It's cool.

My last annual pap seemed to be showing some abnormal cells and I was scheduled to go in March 29th for a colposcopy. At this point, I was kinda getting freaked out because I could not for the life of me recall when I had my last period (was thinking it was sometime in mid-February) and on March 28th, one day before the colposcopy, I puked. For NO APPARENT REASON. Just threw up, La Ti Da!

Of course you see where I am headed with this.

I went in for the procedure, told the nurse about my last period and the puking episode the day before and she thought maybe we ought to have a pregnancy test so that the doctor could make a decision about continuing on with the colposcopy.

I peed in the cup. I went back to the room and undressed. I sat naked under a scratchy tarp of paper towel. I waited.

Not even two minutes passed before the nurse poked her head in to my room.

"It's positive."

Blink. Blink.

"Your pregnancy test? Came back positive."

Blink. "Oh?"

"Are you ok?"

"ahhh...I think so."

And then she left me sitting there by myself for possibly 5 years, or ten minutes. I have no idea.

So the doc came in with a big grin and asked if he didn't give me a prescription for birth control pills at my last visit? And I told him that of course he did and the irony of it all was that the script was waiting in my purse to be filled when I got my period. Which obviously never came.

My daughter is not yet one year old. We are living in a house that is extremely crowded for a family of four, and now we are about to have a family of five. We are nowhere near friends or family. As you can tell, this news was not expected, and I have been struggling to accept it for a couple of weeks now. I know that it will all work out and I know that it will be ok. I know that there will be a time when I will look back and not be able to imagine a life without this third child. It might just take me awhile to get there. To that place where it is all ok. Is that completely selfish of me? Am I a horrible person for having these thoughts? Why do I feel like a horrible person?

Also...the biopsy taken showed that I have severe cervical dysplasia which could lead to cancer if not treated. So, you know. WooHoo and all that. They are going to keep a close eye on it throughout my pregnancy and then we will discuss treatment options after the birth of the baby. Anyone have any similar diagnosis to share with me? Your experiences and thoughts?

Hey, it will all be fine. I do know that, and I am also feeling myself get a little more excited with each passing day. There is a ton to do before my due date (November 24th) and it is somewhat (ok...extremely) overwhelming, but it's the way it is and that is ok.

It's ok.

Introducing: TinyIttyBabyJuJu

To Hold You Over

Tomorrow I will have crazy things to share with you...but for today I will leave you with a video of the baby playing precariously close to the edge of the chair. All the cool kids are doing it. Let me know if it works, if not I'll just provide a link to it...nevermind, here's the link:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=BhOmn4CZi_M