Don't Do It

I know I haven't posted in awhile. Shut up.

There are many ways in which you should NOT start your day. Herein I will provide some examples of said ways (which of course do not reflect anything that has happened to me, otherwise...damn, I'd be having a shitty day...which I am not):

• Do not begin your day at 5 am on the toilet thinking, "Damn. It sorta hurts when I pee and also? I just peed so why do I feel like I have to go AGAIN right now? With urgency?". Oh right. That's because you have a urinary tract infection. WoofreakinHoo.
• Don't go right ahead and try to pee every 10 minutes until 7am at which point it is time to feed your crying baby.
• Don't waste half an hour screwing around on your computer and then realize that at 15 minutes before the bus is scheduled to arrive at your driveway, that yes indeed TODAY is your son's valentine party at school and there are 24 Spider-man puzzle valentines on top of your refrigerator waiting to be  ripped apart, stuffed into envelopes that don't even stick when you lick them, and then be labeled for each child.
• Oh yeah, don't forget that you also have to feed your son and pack his lunch.
• Don't call your doctor for a prescription before the office is even open because you know damn well that sitting through 1000 touch tone prompts before you can even leave a message (that won't be listened to until noon anyway) is only going to further add to the mounting frustration of your morning.
• Don't try to make your baby happy because she is sick and she is pissed and also you are an asshole, Mommy.
• Don't step on something and look down to see two puzzle pieces that were to be stuffed into an envelope, destined for kindergarten.  Two children are going to be pissed when their puzzles are incomplete.
• Don't care.

Comments

[Chris]

And I thought MY day was kinda crappy. Feel better ;-)

[Nik]

Poor you. I hope you feel better.

[Simon]

Wow, good thing that wasn't you, in any way, shape or form. Pretty impressive that you can make stuff up like that so the rest of us can choose to learn from "pretend" mistakes so we don't have to.

Thanks!

[Pamalamadingdong]

Man I am so glad you are totally not having a day like that. Cause that? would totally suck

[Mom]

My baby! I hurt so bad for you at times like this. You can call me and cry if you like.
Love You Lots...

[Mellie Helen]

Some days, it just keeps a-coming. Get out your virtual racket and lobby as many balls as you can, Sister!

[Tammy]

WOW! So glad that wasn't YOUR day! You sure have a vivid imagination though!
Hang tuff!

[AL]

Hope your weekend was better...

{{{Hug}}} - thought you could use one!