Reason Number 6502 That I Will Burn in Hell

Well slap my ass and call me...Sally? How does that expression go? I have a knack for only recalling the first few words of popular expressions. It's as though my brain hears these popular phrases and tunes out halfway through.  Anyway...what I was getting at was DAMN! Had I known about this pretty new template, I'd have used it way back in the beginning of the snow-flaky season and not well into January. Whatever though. It's  my blog and I'll cry if I want to. Is that how it goes?

You will never in a million years guess what I did yesterday morning. Go on, guess. I'll wait here.

Wrong. You are all wrong, and some of you are quite perverted if I do say so.

It involved copious amounts of numbing agents, lots of drilling and oh yes, SMOKE. COMING. OUT. OF. MY. MOUTH without the aide of any sort of tobacco or illegal drug substances.

Yes, now you've got it. The root canal. The canal in my tooth was fucked with and it was not fun. I think the worst part of procedures such as these are the fear of the unknown. I have a feeling that if your dentist would sit you down and explain precisely what is about to happen inside of your mouth, most of the anxiety could be avoided. I have to admit that after I came home and googled "root canal" and read through a summary of the treatment, even with visual aides (!) I felt SO much better about it. It all made sense to me. It was even quite interesting. I do wish I had thought to read up on it before I went. I could have impressed the doc with my proper usage of words such as, "pulp chamber" and "lymphatic vessels".

The worst part of the whole deal, in my opinion, was afterward when I walked into the restroom and noticed in the mirror that I faintly resembled a stroke victim. I, in no way want to lessen the seriousness of an actual "stroke" so please do not think that I am being an asshole here, but I truly had no control over the whole entire left side of my face. I felt like a total idiot. I would smile and somehow I managed to do a perfect impression of...I don't know...Popeye?

The dentist said that the effect would last approx. 2 hours. I had about another hour to go. I tried to think of ways to avoid going to my husband's office to pick up the baby for another hour. I thought he might kinda want to make fun of me. I know if it were HIS face, I would totally had made fun of him. I'm just sweet that way. I decided to just pull up outside and let him bring the baby to the car for me. At least that way I could avoid his staff and students. Crisis averted.

At some point on the way home I decided that I needed to stop at Target and browse the flatware. Don't ask why. My brain thinks, "You just had a root canal? Perfect time to go shopping!".  When we got into the store I was trying to balance BabyJuJu's car seat carrier on my hip while  attempting to free a cart from the cart area and was not having the easiest time. A woman noticed and came over to give me a hand. When I smiled and said thank you, she hesitated, looked at my face a bit longer than people usually look at my face and gave me sort of an apologetic half sad/ half admirable smile. Then she said, as though I were a three year old, "Oh no problem at all! YOU have a great day!". It was then that I realized the power I held in my half frozen face.

People were so damn nice to me! I won't pretend that I didn't smile at people more than usual just to see their reaction. I will surely burn in hell for abusing the whole fake-paralysis attention whore game, but really, you ought to try it. I could have totally parked in the good handicapped space by the door.

Also? Two hours MY ASS. It lasted SIX at the very least. The doctor also told me that the tooth was infected. I had no idea. Mr. JuJu was wondering if maybe the tooth had something to do with my weird summer sickness. Remember in August when I came down with a fever and chills every Friday like clockwork? I don't feel like finding the post and linking to it, but has anyone ever experienced flu-like symptoms with an infected tooth? Please share! I promise tomorrow I will post only about  flowers and pleasantly girly things...

Comments

[Amanda]

I remember the numbness lasting a long time too. I went to a party that night and amazed everyone with my ablity to drink beer from the side of my mouth :) Hope it feels better today!

[The Greatest Aunt]

Root canal? Poor you! I'm glad you found the 'fun' in it all though. Only you could manage that!

[Abby]

You are so brave! Root canals are serious business!

[heathabee]

Sooooo glad to hear that it went well... or at least, not as bad as you thought it was going to go! :-)

And there is a connection with bodily health and tooth health... so it's very possible that it could have been your tooth that made you sick in the summer! But yay, it's all behind you now! :-)

[The Greatest Aunt]

Btw...like the new look!

[Mike]

OK, I was way off base on my guess of what you did yesterday morning and you somehow picked up on it. Did not know you had psychic powers too.

Excellent read. Very funny. And the site looks fantastic.

[Simon]

"...and some of you are quite perverted if I do say so."

How did you know what I was thinking?? I thought I was using my INNER voice there.

[Nana]

Oh jeeze JuJu, I'm so sorry, the perverts from my site have somehow ended up here. You might as well enjoy it tho, I will tell you from experience that there's not a lot you can do aboot it. They don't respond to shame even. Must be a Canadian thing...

[Becky]

Yeah... it is somewhat disturbing to know that you are on fire.... and the man inches from your face is not worried at all....

[Chris]

Ahhh, root canals. Not the most fun ever. And what is it about shopping after dental work? I always do that too.

[AL]

I feel really bad for you, but find that I can't stop laughing right now! This was well written :)

Have a great week!

[ali]

spank my ass and call me charlie...i know this because i'm alittle ashamed to say this is an expression i use all too often... :)