Love and Marriage

Reading today's post at Simon's place got me thinking a bit about the past. Isn't  it quite an amazing thing what past relationships can do to you and your psyche? Each and every meaningful (and some less than meaningful) interlude that you engage in with another person shapes who you become as a partner to someone else in the future. Of the serious boyfriends that I have had in my life, I cannot think of one relationship that was what you would call healthy. From my first serious boyfriend in my teenage years, to the last relationship I had before I met my husband, it has been one string of  train wreck after another.  There was never any true level of communication or honesty.

So how did I manage to find myself in a marriage that I trust and feel great about? How did all of those years of being cheated on and lied to affect the wife that I am today? Rhetorical questions of course, as I will not bring my marriage into an open discussion for all of the internet to dissect and analyze, these are just thoughts that came popping in today. We all have emotional baggage to deal with. Each and every one of us. I suppose there are pivotal turning points for us all when we can either deal with our baggage in a healthy way, or push it down into our toes and pretend that is doesn't exist. Pretend that it's all perfect. Those perfect marriages that you see are probably the most troubled ones.  So what is the secret to a long lasting and loving marriage? Is there a secret? Are we still looking at 50 percent ending in divorce? Has that stat risen over the last few years? How do you foster your marriage and attempt to ensure it's longevity?

I heard once that when Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston can tire of screwing each other, the world is in trouble.

Oh wait...I promised  a flowers and girly things post!

I guess you don't get much girlier  than this.

Comments

[Simon]

You know, I think it's some combination of making conscious choices based on all those past experiences, as well as the nigh unavoidable impact some of them had. The more you can tend towards the conscious, the better off you'll be in my estimation.

And a marriage secret? Probably isn't just one, but if you're not talking, it's not going to be a very rewarding marriage.

[Nana]

A lot of it is dumb luck but a whole lot more of it is hard work. The secret though, I think is knowing when to compromise and when to stick to your guns. And it helps to be best friends, that insures the necessary respect.

[Mom]

Nana has no idea what she's talking about. The secret is keeping the communi-cation open at all times. Fighting is good if it's thorough.
BTW, glad you got rid of all those other bozos ;-)

[William]

Hard work is my answer. Marriage is a committment too many people take committments way to lightly these days.

[Nik]

Couples that play together stay together.

[Ben]

Sydney and I go to a marriage retreat each year to make sure we are on the same page...

Works for us.

[Becky]

I have to admit that I have seen a couple of marraiges in crisis recently and it actually makes our marriage stronger.
I have always been one to learn from my mistakes. I may have to fall on my ass a couple of times before I say, "Hey.. that hurt.. I really don't want to do THAT again."

[Jazzy]

Honesty, trust, communication, communication, communication and more communication. That's what makes a marriage work. That and learning from our past mistakes.