My Mind's Eye is Bleeding

Me:  So what was your favorite part of school today?

Him: ....

Me: Okaayyy. What was the worst part of your day?

Him: ....

Me: Anything funny happen today?

Him: Well, Freddy* did say something funny on the bus** today.

Me: Ooohhhh, what did he say??

Him (giggling): He said he was going to MAKE OUT with this girl...

Me (swallowing...HARD....and feigning ignorance in order to find out exactly how much this child knew): Making out!!??  Well what the heck does "making out" mean anyway?

Him: Like...kissing, AND he said he was going to get NAKED too!

Me (glancing nervously at Mr. JuJu who has now turned his head to hide his huge smile): Naked? Wow. How old is this Freddy again? Isn't he in kindergarten just like you are?

Him: Yep.

Me: I thought so.

*I am using this little shit's real name, because any child who is going to talk to my innocent and angelic, pure of mind son about making out in all of his little 40 pound naked body glory deserves to be outed on the world wide internets.

** The bus is going to be the death of me, mark my words.

Also? I am so not ready for this shit yet.

Comments

[Mom]

So, what? Did you think I was kidding when I asked you to consider home schooling? I think your comment was something like "I don't want a socially retarded kid." Yeah so? Now how does it sound? I say we string Freddy up by his scrawny little cajones. Anyone like to join me?

[kelli]

I love that you are outing him. HILARIOUS!

[Heathers]

Buses are evil. I got into so many fights on the bus...and learned a lot of bad words at such a young age.

[Amy]

Oh, my! LOL! I feel so sorry for you. Thankfully I have three more years to get ready for this moment!

[Amanda]

Someone's parents need to have a talking with their little shit.

[Shann]

Maybe Freddy's parents are those hippie types that walk around naked and take their family to nude beaches on summer vacation...or Freddy's been cruising the satellite porn channels!

[The Greatest Aunt]

I thought girls had cooties until at least middle school. Not me personally, I mean in little boys' minds. You know.

[Tammy]

Mmmmm-
I remember all those other parents influences coming into my child's worlds! I hated it and still do!
Wait until he breaks out with a "school bus song"- then you need to really worry!

[Tammy]

By the way, I too shall NAME her, it's Melissa and yes we are still dealing with her! Good luck!

[Chris]

In several (hopefully many) years, when you hear a little poof! that's my head. Exploding. This will indicate that my daughter has said something similar.

[Becky]

Nope, Nope, Nope... I am just getting over our "Mommy you don't have a pee pee" talk... I cannot have the naked talk in just 2-3 years....