Yawn

I've been struggling with writing here. I don't know why. I suppose it happens to everyone...but I hate feeling like I am writing here for everyone else and not for myself. I hate that I go for a few days without a post and then feel major guilt about it, like I had better post something or all of the people who come here to visit me will be disappointed to find the same thing at the top of the page everyday. I am guilty of doing the same. Going through my blogroll to catch up on the news of people's lives and feeling a bit bored when they haven't written anything new. It's stupid. Who cares? Life is so busy lately that I wouldn't even know where to begin with something to write.  Do I write about the boring gazillion and twelve tasks I do each morning? The making of the beds and the tons of laundry and the bottles and diapers and the same thing over and over? The doctor and dentist appointments? The trips to the grocery store? My days seem to be full from sunrise to sunset and I just can't find the right words to make any of it seem funny, or poignant, or interesting. I finally had a moment to eat my dinner last night at 9:30 pm after the kids were in bed. The baby was up all night again (after sleeping so well the night before, there is no rhyme or reason to her madness) and things are just what they are right now. Hopefully I will find the stories within the story to share here, but for now? I'm tired.

Happy Belated Birthday to The Greatest Aunt. Happy 32 ! (wink wink)

Comments

[Peeved Michelle]

Chill. No pressure. It's just a freaking blog.

[heathabee]

I know exactly how you feel. I really really do. When I sit down to write on my xanga and I find myself doing a "and then I did this, and then I did that and then, I saw so and so and then, I went there and then..."-type post, I am like, honestly, who cares about this shit?

And then, I write "poignant" entries, (for example, my hate-filled music one that I posted today) but end up feeling guilty for what I say, or how I say it or *whatever*.

I think that the blogosphere is a very competitive place to be, a competition between bloggers between who can be the funniest, most creative writer, who can turn a situation around and make it work for them "lyrically", who can make the world see something differently with the most graceful language they can use... and for people who are in the midst of a brainfart/guilt fest of not updating/not updating with quality posts, that can be pretty pressure-filled.

Sure, it's "just a blog", but some people get emotionally attached to their blogs and to the people who read them *coughpointsatselfcough* and you feel a sort of responsibility to keep those people updated.

I know I can't speak for any of your other readers, but I wouldn't want you to feel obligated to post for us. Sure, I love your entries and your "rage blackouts" and the pictures of your absolutely gorgeous children, but I also understand that first and foremost, you're a momma, protecting her cubs and living a real life out there somewhere - that's what's hard about blogging, it's like you become a character, not a real person out there living day-to-day!

My advice is do what you need to do and post when you can - absense makes the heart grow fonder, so when you finally *do* post, it's an exciting time!

Feel better soon,
I hope Baby-J sleeps through the night tonight!

<3 heather
xo

[JuJuBee]

There is pressure, PM...whether it is from outside or from myself, it is there. I find that I pressure myself because I love to write here and interact with people. I've gotten close to a few people (as close as you can get with someone you have never met in person or spoken with on the phone)and I enjoy looking back over my archives and reading something funny that my son said, or reading about exactly what I was doing one year ago today, etc. It might be "just a blog" for some people, but for others, it is a part of who you are. It's not as though I am losing sleep over it, I have more important reasons to lose sleep!

[Peeved Michelle]

I am not discounting the enjoyment you might get out of blogging, I am just saying that in the order of priority of things that cause you anxiety and guil, not blogging should be relatively low on the list.

When I haven't blogged for awhile, I mostly just miss the feeling that I am interacting with people who aren't directly related to my livelihood, but that is usually because I am also neglecting other areas of my life and other things that affect my sense of well being. Blogging is the quickest way to get back in touch with a lot of people all at once, but not blogging shouldn't add to the anxiety you are feeling that is being caused by greater circumstances.

If none of this applies to you then, quite possibly, it was just a speech to myself about my own shit.

[The Greatest Aunt]

First, thanks for the wishes. 32 is old. It's almost 35 which is almost mid-30's. And, I understand you feelings about blogging. Which is why I try not to get pissed when you haven't posted for a few days..........

[marsha]

Yours is my all time favorite blog ever. Once a week, once a month, whenever you have the time I am so glad you are not giving up. It is like having a chocolate chip cookie made from scratch with real butter, after having been on a diet of celery and carrots.

[nina]

I only have a job and a dog but sometimes I feel like that too. Updating for updatings sake? Not really my thing. It only ends in posts nobody wants to read anyways.

Maybe it's just me but I tend to find posts about everyday life much more interesting than any uberfunny or shocking stories people make up. You're doing laundry? Dinner has to wait until 9.30 pm? Now THAT'S something I can relate to :)

[Rebecca]

I still come faithfully... laundry list or moment of enlightenment...