The Beginning of the End

Once upon a time there was a beautiful baby. (I am of course speculating that this baby was beautiful because in fact, the baby had not been born yet and therefore we really would have no idea as to the general appearance of the baby, but come on, of course she MUST be beautiful what with the parents being so damn cute and all) This beautiful baby was cause of much heartache and misery for her mother (and consequently her father as well because he indeed had to listen to her mother bitch and moan about how miserable she was) for most of the last three months of her life inside this mother's womb. Yea, there was much bitching and complaining.

This mother couldn't wait for the time when this baby was to be born. She imagined what the baby would look like (again, beautiful without a doubt) she imagined taking long walks with the baby in the glorious summer sunshine (after of course applying SPF of no less than 75+ to insure the baby would always have lovely skin). She was not naive to the fact that it would be hard at first...with the sleepless nights and the nursing and the screaming crying. She was okay with this. She just wanted this child OUT so that she could appreciate it's beauty and presence. So she prayed that her due date would come swiftly.

One day, the mother awoke (or rather just kinda got up and showered because she never really went to sleep in the first place, yet another reason this mother prayed for the misery to end) and readied for her 36 week prenatal checkup. She was feeling quite well and happy that the sun was shining and the air was warm. She arrived at the doctor's office and was pleased to see that she had not quite yet reached the 30 pound gain mark yet. She greeted the doctor and complained some about it not being May yet. He understood...there, there...not much longer.

As the doctor did his doctor things down under he chuckled under his breath. "Well, welllll. Looks like you are much further ahead of the game than we thought...".

What an odd thing to say, the mother thought. "You are three centimeters dilated!", the doctor told her. "at this point we wouldn't stop labor and everything looks great. So, no intercourse for you and if you think it's time, get moving!"

The mother caught her breath. She didn't even realize that she'd been holding it. She thought of her husband sitting in the waiting room and how pissed he'd be about the no sex rule (ok, just kidding...but he wouldn't be happy about it, for sure). A gazillion things flashed before her eyes, things she had been putting off, things that needed to be done before the baby came. She now had a window of more like 1-2 weeks instead of a window of a solid 4 weeks to get it all done. She promised herself not to worry about it. The baby will come when she is ready and screw it if the house was not. No bother. It'll work out.

Then the mother freaked out for the rest of the day. THE END.