In Which I Share Too Much About My Urine

So, pregnant women tend to be asked to share their pee a lot, right? I am asked for a urine sample each and every time I go in for a prenatal check-up. They would prefer that I bring one with me, but really, I am not all about peeing in a little plastic jar and then actually bringing it in the car with me to the office, and THEN sitting in the waiting room with it while people stare and point and say mean things about the chic with the piss. Anyway, I was in the bathroom attempting to pee in the cup (the bathroom in this joint is essentially a 2 foot by 2 foot square box in which they have shoved a toilet, a sink, one of those nifty safety handle bars and a garbage can) when my morning took a turn for the worse. I decided that taking my coat off was just not going to work, so as I was trying to hold my coat up over my big butt to sit down, I was also putting the toilet lid up with the same hand my purse happened to be in. Yeah, I know you know.

You totally know what happened by now.

Yepper. My purse slipped out of my hand in PLOPPED! right into the toilet water. PLOP. Somehow I managed to save it in time (in time for what, you ask?!) just in time to avoid letting the water soak through the fake leather outer shell and into the interior where my phone, wallet, make-up and all things important to me are stored. Son of a bitch. See Honey? See why I own 200 purses? You can't predict when a sudden purse/toilet related accident could occur.

THEN! I dropped the little pee-cup into the water MID STREAM and had to wait until after I saw the doctor to try again. This is my life people, seriously.

To top things off...Doc says that I am measuring kinda small (about 30 1/2 weeks as opposed to the 32 weeks that I am) but she says not to be concerned because you can go a couple centimeters either way and still be fine. I swear that if I don't deliver this child AT OR BEFORE my due date, which is currently standing at May 18th, I may just lose it. Good thing that chair comes today. Ima gonna need it.